Glass Castle
by ToReadandWrite
Summary: Victoire Weasley reflects on her dreams and fears.


**Disclaimer: Nah, I'm not Rowling.**

She sighs, pushes that Potions textbook away, and closes her eyes. It's dark now, when everyone's asleep, only a trickle of moonlight flowing in through the curtains and glancing off the beds. She knows she should sleep- she wants to sleep, and it's tugging at her eyelids and pulling her to the softness of her bed.

But she can't; she knows if she lies down now she'll be lying awake, and those thoughts will chase her. You know, _those_ thoughts, the ones she wants to ignore. The ones that tell her it's pointless, she's worthless, because she's been treading on a tightrope for a while now. She's come to think of her life in a strange way- It'd be funny if it weren't so miserable. She has goals for her life. Be inducted into the highest level of Healer training, train well, become a Healer and experiment with magical cures and make her parents proud and live a fairytale life full of happiness, with never a want unsatiated.

Oh, the dreams sound so good. And those dreams throw to her shimmering threads of silver, winding into a rope. 'Okay, Victoire,' she thinks. 'Walk carefully now, it's a fine line and you have to keep your balance. 'Cause you know what your carrying on your head right now? It's a sparkling glass castle, you know, and you've worked this far to build it, and now you can't let it fall.' She loves it and she resents it, because she knows that walking that line and working so hard will bring her the happiness that's always been her dream, since she was five years old. And she's proud, too, and it makes her arrogant, that she's been able to walk that tightrope and carry her castle and be so diligent and good when most others stray and don't care. She's so proud that she's broken the cliches and the stereotypes and been able to do what no one's ever thought she could. But that faint spite, that "I told you so", isn't enough. She needs to hold onto what's real and good if she wants to be real and good; spite and jealousy and conceit won't get her any happiness.

So she takes a deep breath again, and focuses on the light at the end of her tunnel, and tells herself not to look around lest she fall. She's trying, she's trying, but it's so hard and what could one fleeting glance hurt?

So she looks, and it all floods back: no one else is working this hard, no one else is going through this, no one else really cares to examine themselves so _why does she_? They're all having so much fun, they're all enjoying the moment, they're all being so silly and stupid and ignorant and for once she wishes she could be that naive. For once she wishes that she didn't care so much about doing what's right, especially for the sake of such an impossible dream. They always say to shoot for the moon, and she doesn't want just a star. And the more she thinks about herself the more she loves her family, but the more she hates herself.

She's Victoire, and she hates it. She thinks- no, she knows- that she's stupid, silly, conceited, lazy, pathetic, horrible, jealous, thoughtless, unloving- and that kills her. Her eyes sting and the tears well up and she hates it even more. But then the hope flickers again, and she stares at that flame and though she's so far away she can feel it's warmth wash over her. So she holds tight to the people she loves and she steps ever so carefully, keeping her eyes only on that beautiful glow. And she begins to understand that this line isn't her bane, it's her gift and she ought to treasure it.

'Keep your eyes on the light, Victoire. Just a little longer, and laugh now, please. Laugh now, and smile, and know that you're lucky.' And she does, and the glow wells up inside her. But sometimes, quietly, the fears nag at her, asking her how long she can go before she breaks. And sometimes she cries, and lets the fear overcome her, but at other times she just laughs. 'Well that doesn't matter now, does it? If I break, the stars will catch me.'

**Review?Constructive criticism wlecome. :)  
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**It's based on how I feel sometimes. There's not much in the way of characterization; it's basically an exploration of dreams and fears that I've made into a piece of fanfiction.  
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